


The Heart Wants What the Mind Can't Recall

by lovelesslybeloved



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Recovery, Temporary Amnesia, shklance - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-11
Updated: 2019-08-11
Packaged: 2020-08-18 20:21:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20197594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovelesslybeloved/pseuds/lovelesslybeloved
Summary: After a horrible crack to his head things were fuzzy memory wise for a while. Now Lance can remember his name, his age, growing up near Varadero and all of his siblings. He remembers coming to space and meeting Coran and Allura. He remembers forming Voltron and all of his team mates. What he can’t seem to recall is why he is coughing up all these flowers.For "Hey There Sharpshooter" 2019 BigBang





	The Heart Wants What the Mind Can't Recall

**Author's Note:**

> So initially when I signed up for this event it was suppose to be 5-7K piece and here is the final piece of 11.8K words. The biggest thanks to my Beta Kerry, who was a champ. Literally didn't even bat an eye when I mentioned going over 7K and honestly my writing is a mess with tenses but she just worked her way right through it. Thank you so much Kerry.  
[Kerry](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fandoms_Everywhere_United/)
> 
> My artist Cici is still working on the piece and I'll update this as soon as it's finished. In the meanwhile please go check out her tumblr!  
[Cici](https://ceciledraws.tumblr.com/)

The blast from the Robeast had been enough to dismantle Voltron, and after a tactful re-retreat, the lions reconvened in the Castle of Lions. Most of the Paladins were a little banged up but no worse for the wear from the battle. Slowly all the Paladins made their way to the control room. All except the Blue Paladin.  
  
“Uhh..? Where’s Lance?” Hunk asked in concern, glancing around.  
  
Shiro, who still had his helmet on, tapped into the communication link, “Lance? Where are you? Were you injured?”  
  
There was silence through the comms, and then after a few moments static crackled through, “Um. I don’t know who Lance is, but I think I’m okay?”  
  
The team froze and looked between each other in confusion and honestly a little frustration.  
  
“If you... Um? Think this Lance is hurt, I can try to look for him. What does he look like? I’m not really sure where I am, but I can certainly look around at least.” The familiar voice crackled through the comms again, and Pidge and Hunk shared a look of confusion bleeding into concern.  
  
“Buddy, how about you stay put and we come to you if you’re not sure where you’re at,” Shiro commented lightly, glancing at the team as they moved, almost as one, back out towards the hangars.  
  
“Oh, okay. Um, sure.” the voice cut out again, and the team rushed towards Blue’s hangar.  
  
The lion was lying down with her mouth open, and Lance was sitting in her jaw, waiting easily, his long legs kicking lightly to pass the time. His helmet was off, and when he looked up at the approaching team two things registered near simultaneously. First was the stream of blood running from Lance’s temple. Second was the look of confusion and unsureness as his team approached.  
  
“Hey there my man, how are you?” Hunk asked, taking slow easy steps forward.  
  
Lance looked him over like he seemed familiar, but he just couldn’t place where. His eyes darted around the faces and the look seemed to stay the same.  
  
“Are you the people looking for Lance? I don’t... I’m sorry I don’t know who that is and if I’m being honest... I’m not really sure who you all are…?” Lance glanced around a little nervously.  
  
The team seemed to share a blank look, really unsure how to proceed. Lance looked around, moved to jump off the Blue Lion’s jaw, and stumbled. He nearly face-planted, but Keith, with his lightning reflexes, shifted forward and caught Lance.  
  
Looking a little startled and even more disoriented, Lance looked at the male holding him up and was struck by how stunning he was. Boys shouldn’t be this pretty- it was criminal really. He blushed softly and looked away.  
  
“Um... Thanks... Uh... Yea. I um.. Aside from not really know who you all are... I kind of... Don’t know who I am?” Lance murmured, straightening up and patting Keith on the shoulder to let him know he was okay on his own feet.  
  
Lance continued, “I suppose we’re friends? You keep calling me buddy..? Am I friends with Lance too?” he asked, looking a little lost between all the little looks the team was giving each other to try and figure this out.  
  
Finally, Shiro turned slightly and called into the comms for Coran to get a healing pod ready. Lance looked confused by the entire sentence, but the group stayed with him, and despite not really know who these people were, he felt better with them than without them.  
  
“Okay, so I’m going to do my best to try and explain…” Shiro paused to gather his thoughts, “You are Lance. Lance McClain. And we’re all humans from Earth. One day we found the Blue Lion and she brought us out to space, where we got wrapped up in an intergalactic war that has been raging for over ten thousand years. During our most recent fight, I guess you knocked your head kind of hard and seem to have lost… everything?” Shiro offered kindly as the team nodded along as they turned a bit, starting to guide Lance along into the Castle and towards the healing pods.  
  
“Oh no, I know Blue,” Lance explained, shaking his head and wincing a little as more blood streamed down to his jaw, “I mean.. I didn’t know where she was but I knew I was with her once I got out.”  
  
“Okay! That’s good!” Shiro commented, “But you don’t know any of us? Not even Hunk? Keith? Pidge? What about Allura?” Shiro asked throwing names out in hopes of triggering something like Blue did.  
  
“Those names sound familiar but no. I don’t know who they are. Are you… Hunk?” he asked, looking at Shiro like he was really trying to place the name to the face.  
  
“No, I’m Hunk. We’ve been friends for years before all this space war stuff.” Hunk mumbled, stepping up and looking like a kicked puppy.  
  
Lance looked at him and carefully stopped his walk towards wherever these people were guiding him. Hunk looked really pained, this large man who clearly was worried and upset over Lance. He tried really hard to remember and he vaguely had a feeling of the ocean swelling under him. He pulled in a deep breath of air and blinked up at Hunk carefully.  
  
“We… We’ve gone surfing. A lot,” he uttered, and Hunk’s chocolate brown eyes widened comically; a grin broke across his face as he nodded, quickly moving forward to scoop Lance up.  
  
“Nearly everyday buddy, oh I’m so happy. I was really worried there that you weren’t ever going to remember us but it’s all still in there isn’t it?! Oh man, that’s a relief.” Hunk breathed as he set Lance back down on his feet, and Lance gave a timid little smile back.  
  
“I guess? I... just...” Lance pulled in another deep breath and winced again before looking at the team through squinted vision. “I guess just be patient with me? I’ll do my best to be... Lance I guess?”  
  
Shiro and Keith shared a sad small look before Shiro reached a hand out and placed it gently on Lance’s shoulder. “Just take your time and be yourself. We all understand and we’re here to help you as best we can.”  
  
Lance looked up at this man and really looked, his blue eyes shining and searching. Shiro did his best to stand his ground and be open to Lance, but was hard. There was so much between them. Lance looked like he might be on the verge of something, but he winced and ended up looking away, a fresh gush of blood slipped down and dripped onto his armor.  
  
“I’m sorry,” he muttered and turned away to continue walking in the direction they had been going before.  
  
Keith came up and clapped Shiro on the shoulder, giving him silent encouragement through this. Shiro nodded appreciatively, turning to continue with Lance, as Pidge and Hunk turned to follow as well. They’d get through this the best they could and then they’d take care of everything else.  
  
Escorting Lance the rest of the way to the healing pod room had Hunk rambling and Lance trying desperately to keep up in the conversation, but it was all a blur. His head was throbbing in pain and he couldn’t focus on anything. They made it all the way into the room, and Lance was swaying hard until Hunk moved closer and let Lance lean heavily against him. Allura and Coran had met them in the room and Allura was fussing over Lance carefully- even with Pidge dismissing it, she hadn’t seen the Paladins bleed this much before.  
  
“Our heads just bleed a lot. It’s okay. He’ll be okay,” Pidge commented as they watched Coran open up the healing pod.  
  
Lance was trying to peel off his armor plates but couldn’t seem to find the latches to pop them off. His hands were shaking pretty badly and while Hunk supported Lance, Keith came up and started throwing the latches to pop off the plates. They clattered to the ground. Lance winced with each loud sound until finally the belt fell and he was standing in his black bodysuit. He was panting hard and wilting further by the minute.  
  
“Thanks… um.. helpful guy.” Lance muttered, looking to Keith as Hunk shuffled Lance up and into the pod.  
  
The pod lid began to close as Keith shuffled into view and gestured to himself, saying, “Keith”.  
  
Lance’s eyes lit up and he perked up considerably and as the pod lid sealed. His mouth formed Keith’s name just before his eyes slipped closed and he was out.  
  
Keith felt his chest clench tight as he turned back to the group, anxious and too wound up as Shiro tried to explain to Coran and Allura about Lance’s condition as Coran brought up graphs showing brain functions. There did seem to be some kind of disturbance in the graphs that had Coran concerned and for some reason, Coran didn’t bring up the full body scan like he usually did. Keith didn’t think much of it, his eyes continuously darting to Lance’s form in the pod. Why do a scan when it was obvious his brain was broken. He stuck around long enough to hear that the pod would not repair his memory loss- that it would have to come back naturally as it had with Hunk earlier. He also caught wind that it would only be about an hour in the pod as the wound wasn’t as bad as it appeared.  
  
Pidge chimed in a “See? I told you!” as Keith ducked out of the pod room to roam the halls- too keyed up to sit still.  
  
That hour passed by so slowly and Shiro was about to duck out as well as the pod beeped signifying the end of the process as the airlock on the pod began to hiss its release. Lance stumbled out, and Keith rushed up to prop Lance up as he swayed on his feet.  
  
“K-Keith” Lance stuttered out as he opened his eyes and glanced around, landing on the other male before him.  
  
Keith straightened up and looked almost nervous as Lance stared him down.  
  
“You’ve held me before” Lance muttered looking confused trying to put it together but the memories were muddled and he couldn’t place if it was more recent or further back.  
  
Keith’s eyes widened as he nodded slowly, “There had been an explosion and you had been hurt pretty badly. I had held you in my arms for a while.” Keith explained and Lance was nodding along slowly to it.  
  
“We must be close then right?” Lance asked as Keith got Lance up on his own feet looking away, matching Shiro’s own refusal to lock eyes with Lance.  
  
“What? We aren’t?” Lance asked looking between Shiro and Keith.  
  
“We’re just teammates” Keith muttered and left the room.  
  
Lance huffed a bit looking up at the man who had been so silent throughout the whole exchange. He also didn’t exactly look comfortable but Lance didn’t have one clue who he was.  
  
“Um.. Remind me your name too?” Lance asked carefully looking the other man over.  
  
Shiro jerked to look at Lance again startled, of course he didn’t remember him. Lance didn’t remember anything. He looked Lance over and nodded slowly, “My name is Shiro, I was a few years ahead of you and Keith at the Garrison.” Shiro explained gently holding out the prosthetic arm.  
  
Lance moved to reach for it and without hesitation grabbed his hand and shook it smiling at him. Lance was waiting for a memory to surface, but nothing seemed to immediately come.  
  
“Sorry nothing” Lance gave an apologetic smile and Shiro wasn’t sure why but he felt disappointment so potent he had to glance away again.  
  
“It’s alright, there’s no hurry,” Shiro explained and released Lance’s hand and stepped away.  
  
Coran had stood in the background the entire time, silent and respectful to their exchange but as Shiro headed out and Lance turned to follow he stepped forward to stop him.  
  
“Hello there my boy. You probably don’t remember me but we need to have a talk.” Coran explained and Lance paused trying to recall something about the mustached man.  
  
“All I remember about you is flowers. Why flowers--?” Lance felt a tickle in the back of his throat and turned away a moment to clear it.  
  
The tickle didn’t really stop but Lance turned back to the man and the look he received was nothing but sadness.  
  
“Lance my boy, my name is Coran and I am an alien to you from the destroyed planet of Altea. About two months ago you came to me with a medical concern and I feel I must impart it to you for your own safety.” Lance looked startled at the influx of news but nodded.  
  
If he was sick, flowers made sense, maybe his team had brought them to him while he was laid up in a hospital bed.  
  
“You have a disease that in Altean translates to Lover’s Ache. Although when you explained it you called it Hanahaki’s disease. Do you remember what that is Lance?” and the flowers made so much more sense now.  
  
Lance trembled a bit as his hand came up to touch his mouth. The tickle in his throat worsened as he put the pieces together.  
  
“Who do I love though? I thought... The cure for Hanahaki is to forget about the person, so why do I still have it?” Lance asked, a slight panic in his voice as he looked up at Coran.  
  
“I don’t know. You refused to tell me then and swore me to keep this secret. Forgetting is only part of the cure, Lance, I’d have to go in and cut it out and permanently remove your feelings for... Whomever it is you cared for,” Coran explained as gently as possible while Lance fell to his knees looking at the floor as if searching for the answer.  
  
“N-No.” he trembled out as he looked up at Coran, “I didn’t agree before I lost my memory did I?” Lance asked as he wrapped his arms around his shoulders.  
  
The skin tight flight suit did little to keep the trembling at bay, but Coran came down and put his arms around Lance’s shoulders, and that helped.  
  
“No my boy you wouldn’t let me remove the flowers. You were stubborn and insistent that loving them, even painfully and for this short while, was better than not caring about them at all,” Coran explained gently.  
  
Lance shook in place and didn’t notice the tears leaking softly, “Do you think I’d still agree to that if I didn’t even know who I loved anymore?” Lance asked afraid to speak any louder or risk shattering.  
  
“I don’t know, but I’ll follow your lead on this as I did before this horrible accident,” Coran soothed, rubbing his hands over Lance’s back and shoulders.  
  
Coran helped Lance get to his quarters, and once there, Lance shimmied out of the flight suit and into his pajamas and flopped into bed, mentally and emotionally exhausted. He loved someone who apparently didn’t love him back. How was he supposed to know who it was? He didn’t even know who everyone was yet though process of elimination helped him figure out who Pidge and Allura were. He could honestly see himself being interested in all of them. Each of them had an appeal to them that Lance already enjoyed. He groaned softly and looked around his room.  
  
There really wasn’t anything to go off on that could give him clues to who he possibly loved. His clothes, some video game parts, his jacket hung on a hook and he moved towards it and slipped it on over his pajamas. The weight was familiar, and he remembered his dad giving it to him before he left for the Garrison. More tears flooded his eyes as he lay back down, basking in the weight and warmth of the jacket and the memory soothing him. 

  


Morning came with a groan as he sat up, his hair poking out in a few unique directions as he glanced around. Right, this was his room. He searched through the clothes lying about, cleaning his room while pulling on clean clothes for the day. He went to the bathroom then, taking care of the morning basics before he stepped out of his room looking a little lost about where to go. Picking a direction and heading off, he was confident he’d bump into someone. Surely. 

  


An hour later and Lance was just as lost as when he’d stepped out of his room except now, he didn’t even know where his room was. He thought he had made it back a few minutes ago, except the door opened to reveal some sort of broom closet. He sighed and slumped in the hallway to take a breather. This castle was huge.  
  
“Lance?” a voice asked and he snapped up to meet glasses peering at him from down the hall.  
  
“Right uh.. You’re Pidge right?” Lance asked carefully standing again as Pidge moved down towards him.  
  
Pidge seemed to brighten a bit, “Yea did your memories come back?!” she asked, clearly optimistic over the revelation.  
  
“Oh.. um. No I just.. There was only Pidge and Allura left and I just figured.. You looked like a Pidge? It seemed right?” Lance offered and Pidge practically deflated before his eyes.  
  
“Well it’s okay, I think I’ve got the program ready anyway! I stayed up all night to work on it, come on!” Pidge grabbed his wrist and started hauling him down the hall the way he’d already come.  
  
“You… You do that a lot. Stay up late. Sometimes... Sometimes I come and put you to bed.” Lance pulled Pidge to slow and stop as he looked at her carefully.  
  
Pidge stayed standing stiff with her back to him, holding his wrist carefully. The longer Lance looked at Pidge the more memories seemed to click back into place.  
  
“You’re looking for your brother,” he said into the space between them, and it could have been possible to hear a pin drop.  
  
When Pidge turned to look at Lance there were tears in her eyes, and it was taking everything she had to not fall apart. Pidge stumbled back towards him and pressed her head against his chest as she cried softly. Lance felt a warmth flood his chest as he raised his arms up and held Pidge to him carefully.  
  
“Shh it’s okay. You’ll find him. And... And your dad,” Lance muttered as he threaded his fingers through her hair gently.  
  
“I was so scared. I mean I’m worried about Matt and Dad, but Lance, you’re important to me too, and I was really scared you weren’t going to remember me or any of us.” Pidge breathed out quickly getting herself under control as she stepped back, rubbing her eyes under the frame of her glasses.  
  
“No no, it’ll come back. Slow and steady. Just be patient with me okay?” Lance asked ruffling Pidge’s hair till she batted his hand away sharply.  
  
“Yeah but I mean! I figured out a program to help you remember faster though! We gotta try it, come on Lance!” Pidge collected his wrist again and began tugging him down the hall.  
  
Lance went along, content enough to make Pidge happy, but the truth was he wanted to find Keith or Shiro. He felt bad he hadn’t remembered anything about Shiro yet even though he had been so patient and caring so far. He also wouldn’t mind hanging out with Hunk some more. It was easy and safe to be with him. He swallowed thickly and felt the flowers at the back of his mouth, tickling his throat.  
  
Right, he still needed to figure out who he apparently loved enough to die for.  
  
Sighing softly, Pidge finally brought him into the Green Lion’s hangar. Lance’s eyes widened at the giant robot cat, and he stepped towards it as Pidge started fluttering around her equipment. He came up and touched the paw gently and the Lion activated, shifting its head to look down at him. There was a moment of panic as he stumbled back, but the Lion stayed still, watching him till Pidge came up.  
  
“Hm I’ve never had Green react that way. Interesting. I’ll run tests on her while you try this out!” Pidge jumped up while pulling Lance down by his wrist.  
  
He had a flash of a smaller body that looked more like himself, doing it to peck Lance’s cheek and knew his family must be close. He sighed softly as Pidge placed some sort of headband on his head.  
  
“We use these for training for team building and stuff but I reconfigured the program so it should be able to review your repressed memories,” Pidge explained, pushing Lance near the computers hooked up and sitting him down there.  
  
He folded his legs criss cross underneath him and took a breath as Pidge placed the headband on his head. He could humor Pidge with this as long as it doesn’t hurt. Lance could see a current carry through the cords hooked to his headband, and he took a breath before his brain was assaulted by the current. He shuddered as his eyes widened, unseeing of the physical scene before him. People flashed before his eyes, memories of people he doesn’t remember exactly but who are achingly familiar. Tears gathered on his lashes and the flashes became faster and more intense.  
  
“Pidge stop...” he muttered, his eyes beginning to fail at keeping up, they swirl faster, one image bleeding into another and he tried again, “Stop, Pidge, I can’t do this anymore!”  
  
Lance closed his eyes and ripped the headband away. A small nose bleed had started, and tears were falling down his face. Pidge was almost to him, prepared to help when she noticed his bloody nose and tear tracked face.  
  
“L-Lance I’m... I’m sorry.” Pidge muttered quietly, moving to her knees before him.  
  
To his credit and pounding head, Lance didn’t lash out. He pulled in a slow deep breath and nodded just as slow.  
  
“It’s okay, Pidge. I just... That was too much. I don’t really want to remember everything that way,” Lance explained quietly as he leaned forward and rested his hand on her shoulder.  
  
Pidge regarded Lance for a moment nodding slowly before pulling a tissue from her pocket and pushing it to his nose. He grinned and accepted the tissue thankfully as he sat back again.  
  
“I did see a lot though. I think it was all stuff from my family though? Maybe some Hunk. There were beaches and little kids,” Lance explained as he wiped the tears from his eyes too.  
  
As Lance and Pidge sat in the hangar another Paladin entered. Pidge glanced over to him and nodded, “Hey there, Keith!”  
  
Lance’s head whipped around, bloody nose and tear trails still on his face. Keith was standing there in his usual outfit, but Lance felt like he was seeing him for the first time. To an extent, Lance supposed he was. Something seemed off though. Lance squinted, looking at Keith carefully.  
  
Meanwhile, Keith practically shot forward, dropping to his knees and cupping Lance’s face carefully inspecting the bloody nose while Pidge stood up to return to her project, dismissing Keith’s worry. Lance, finally realizing the hold Keith had on him and how close they were, felt the blood rush to his face, his nose bleeding harder as he looked away from Keith.  
  
“You... you um look... Good? Different! I mean?! Yeah. I can’t figure it out though,” Lance muttered refusing to make eye contact with Keith.  
  
Keith startled back a bit, stunned by Lance’s words and shook his head, “N-Nothing. This is- oh. I mean I tied my hair back. It’s getting a little long. You were suppose to cut it- Nevermind! It’s fine this way!” Keith announced moving to stand back up.  
  
Lance reached forward and grabbed Keith’s wrist quickly. “I cut your hair?” Lance asked quietly with wide eyes, “We are closer than teammates aren’t we? Don’t lie to me Keith,” Lance accused cautiously.  
  
Keith bit his lip looking nervously at Lance before his shoulders sagged and he nodded slowly, “Yea I guess we’re friends or something..” Keith muttered still refusing eye contact.  
  
Lance brightened and pulled the tissue away to see the flow had mostly stopped, “I can still do it. Cut your hair, I mean.”  
  
Keith looked Lance over and nodded slowly, “O-okay.” Lance stood up and moved to stand with Keith, still holding his wrist and content to be led where they apparently usually do this.  
  
Keith looked apprehensively at Pidge, but the Green Paladin didn’t seem to be paying them any attention, and Keith took it as a blessing leading Lance out of the hangar.  
  
Lance tried to pay attention and noticed they seemed to be heading back towards the rooms. Keith pulled them to a stop before a door and looked expectantly at Lance.  
  
“This is your room. Your scissors and stuff is in your room. We usually cut it in my room though,” Keith explained looking to the door next to where they stood.  
  
Lance jolted and pressed the pad, opening the door and stepping in. Keith stepped in as well and stood there waiting quietly. Lance glanced around nervously, where would he keep- bathroom. He stepped in there and opened cabinets carefully before finding a small bag labeled “grooming”. After unzipping it and confirming the scissors, comb, and two spray bottles he nodded and returned to Keith.  
  
“I found it!” Lance grinned, offering the bag for Keith’s inspection.  
  
Nodding, Keith collected Lance’s wrist again and led him from the room and next door into his own room. Lance glanced around and if he felt there wasn’t much in his room, Keith’s looked barren. He looked around a bit confused and curious if this was actually Keith’s room at all. Till he spotted a knife on the nightstand next to the bed of course. He chuckled and stepped towards the bathroom.  
  
“In here, right?” Lance asked, glancing over to Keith who was pulling his jacket off, revealing a short sleeved t-shirt.  
  
Lance looked away again as Keith stepped into the bathroom and straddled the toilet, tugging his hair tie from his hair.  
  
“It’ll probably need brushed out...” Keith muttered, folding his arms across the back.  
  
Lance nodded, unzipping the bag and pulling a comb free to start running through the dark hair. Keith was right; his hair was long. As Lance let his finger’s run through the strands, feelings rumbled in his chest and he felt fresh heat bloom across his cheeks again. He licked his lips as he pulled the squirt bottle from the kit, wetting Keith’s hair a bit before retrieving the scissors.  
  
“How... how did we start... This?” Lance asked as he pulled Keith’s hair straight before snipping the ends off.  
  
“I um.. You.. we were up in the observation deck and you made a comment about if it got any longer you’d cut it all off in my sleep. I said something about rathering you do it while I was awake and we just kind of... Agreed. To do this” Keith cleared his throat turning his head, which Lance immediately grabbed Keith’s jaw and corrected.  
  
“Don’t move while I’m working,” Lance muttered, and if he let his fingers linger on Keith’s jaw for longer than necessary well he wasn’t- wait. He’d done that before as well.  
  
“You move a lot when I cut your hair.” Lance didn’t ask this time and Keith merely hummed in reply.  
  
Lance continued to cut as little bits of memory from previous pseudo salon sessions surfaced and pieced themselves back together in his mind. Lance was finishing up when his eyes landed on the other squirt bottle. He grabbed it and read the label “Keith” on it before making an unsure face.  
  
“What is this?” Lance asked showing Keith.  
  
“Oh... that’s um... Some kind of conditioner? Hair mask thing you made for me? You usually put it in at the end of cutting my hair. It makes it really soft and shiny for weeks afterward. You said something once about if I wasn’t going to take care of my hair you’d do it for me.” Keith explained moving to stand from the toilet, “You don’t have to do it today though.”  
  
Lance caught Keith’s shoulder and pushed him back down, “I want to do it,” Lance muttered and began applying the mask thoroughly.  
  
Parting the hair, squirting a little bit before rubbing it through the roots and moving on. It was a little tedious but Keith was right, his hair looked so much better and as Lance finished, threading his fingers through the full length he agreed it felt much better. Keith’s hair was so much longer than Lance’s hair, and he was sitting there so calmly. Lance continued to let his fingers slip through the dark locks gently well after the hair mask was applied. The quiet moment between them was lovely and Lance could feel emotions swelling in his chest and heat bloom fresh again across his cheeks. It felt amazing and he could have stayed in this moment with Keith if the emotions in his chest didn’t turn to uncomfortable tightness and a tickle in his throat. He tried to clear it but it was persistent and when he paused to cough a soft gentle red flower petal fluttered out with specks of blood.  
  
In a panic Lance shoved it into his pocket and stepped back from Keith. Feeling Lance move away Keith glanced back at him and his expression went from soft and content to concerned and sharp again. Lance shook his head, covering his mouth and ducking out of the bathroom quickly.  
  
“Lance?! What’s going on?! Where are you going?” Keith verbally pursued while physically following Lance as the Blue Paladin ducked back into the hallway.  
  
Lance could feel tears pricking the corners of his eyes as he darted down the hall. He gasped sharly as he recoiled off another person, colliding with them and falling backwards.  
  
“Lance?” Shiro looked started as he leaned down a bit to grab Lance’s arm and help him up.  
  
Lance recoiled even further, Shiro going for the arm that had shoved the bloody flower petal into his pocket. Shiro deflated a bit, pulling back from Lance as he glanced at Keith coming down the hall. Shiro looked between the two, noting the tears in Lance’s eyes. He frowned even further as he stepped between them while Lance curled into himself a bit, hiding from Keith.  
  
“Keith, I’ll handle this.” Shiro murmured as Keith came to a halt before the larger man.  
  
Keith looked clearly distraught, peaking over at Lance and noticing how upset he looked. Deflating as well, Keith pulled back and nodded, “Thanks Shiro. I’ll talk to you later Lance.”  
  
Shiro stayed still while Keith went back to his room. Once the hall was clear save for the two of them Shiro turned back to Lance carefully. He sat down on the ground next to him, not touching but close enough he could feel the body heat. He let out a quiet sigh, and tried to come up with something to say.  
  
Lance sniffled and finally calmed down. Keith didn’t know, and Shiro had inadvertently saved him from the truth coming out. He peeked over at Shiro who was giving him space. He owed Shiro more than this. He sniffled again and leaned over bumping his shoulder against Shiro’s own arm. Shiro looked down at Lance and gave a smile too. They sat back against the wall quietly and comfortable. Lance got a twinge that this wasn’t a new experience.  
  
“We do this a lot too. Just sit quietly...” Lance murmured not looking at Shiro who was also not looking at him.  
  
“I... I have nightmares... From when the Galra had me detained. Sometimes... Sometimes you find me when I’m walking those nightmares off. You sit with me while we watch the stars pass on the observation deck,” Shiro explained and drew his knee up to rest his arm on the knee.  
  
“I’ve really appreciated it in the past so if I can help you through this with anything let me know,” Shiro murmured.  
  
Lance looked over at Shiro carefully debating about the flowers. Keith was obviously the source. Surely it wouldn't hurt to have someone know and help him through this right? Take care of Keith after Lance either wouldn’t remember his feelings for Keith or he would die. Lance was still on the fence about what to do with that.  
  
“I... Keith... I just.. Shiro. Look.” Lance pulled the petal from his pocket and offered it up to Shiro.  
  
Shiro looked at it for a moment, a furrow appearing in his brow as he picked it up from Lance’s hand. He looked it over and held it up to the light.  
  
“I know this flower, it was my mother’s favorite. It’s a gladiolus petal. Where did you get this?” Shiro asked carefully, handing the petal back to Lance.  
  
“Well.. I coughed it up,” Lance muttered looking down at his own hand and the petal delicately resting in his palm.  
  
Shiro jolted, looking at Lance startled, “For.. Keith? Lance you have to tell him,” Shiro muttered.  
  
“I can’t! I don’t even remember him. Besides, I’ve apparently had this for a while. I had decided not to do anything before I lost my memories, so I’m not sure I should do anything till my memories come back anyway,” Lance said as he looked over at Shiro unsure and clearly upset.  
  
“Lance... This is Hanahaki... You’ll die if you do nothing,” Shiro explained, turning more to actually talk to Lance.  
  
“I know, Coran had explained it to me but I just... Past me clearly knew what was going on and still made the decision to do nothing. So, I feel weird trying to change my mind when my mind clearly isn’t put together right now,” Lance explained looking lost at Shiro.  
  
Shiro didn’t look much more sure than Lance felt. Shiro looked at the petal in Lance’s hand again and looked over at Lance.  
  
“Is this... The only petal?” Shiro asked carefully after a long moment of silence.  
  
“As far as I remember yeah.” Lance nodded, “that’s normal right?” Lance asked as he pulled into himself.  
  
Shiro hesitated only a moment before pulling Lance to his side and hugging him close, “It’ll be okay. We’ll figure this out. Is Coran the only other person who knows?”  
  
“Mmhm” Lance murmured, and he felt his chest tightening similar to how it had with Keith in the bathroom.  
  
Wait. Did he have feelings for Shiro too? That’s impossible, Lance had Hanahaki for Keith and that was it. A cough flared in his chest and after a moment, another petal floated into his hand, this one a smaller blue petal. Lance quickly shoved it into his pocket confused over the second petal till he looked at Shiro and was overwhelmed in his chest again. Shiro too? No, no. That’s impossible. Impossible!  
  
“I um.. I need to go. Help.. Uh. Hunk.” Lance mumbled slipping out from Shiro’s hold carefully.  
  
Shiro looked a little hurt but even more confused as he nodded, “Alright, well say hi to Hunk for me. I’ll probably head to the training deck till dinner.”  
  
Lance nodded and turned away heading out toward where he felt the kitchen probably was. After a few minutes of wandering he, was just as lost as he was before Pidge had found him earlier in the day. He sighed and paused coming to flop against the hallway wall. He pulled both of the petals from his pockets. The red and blue looked lovely together and he wanted to keep them close, but the meaning behind the petals was crushing Lance slowly. He slipped them back into his jacket pocket and after pulling his knees up wrapped his arms around his legs, placed his head on his knees. This wasn’t going to be easy.  
  
It was maybe an hour later when Pidge was wandering by and collected him to guide him to the kitchen when he finally got to Hunk. The big guy was grinning, clearly happy to see him and all Lance could do was kind of collapse into his arms. Hunk made a sound of concern and Lance just sort of shook his head a bit as he pressed his nose into Hunk’s shoulder. Somewhere in the back of Lance’s mind he felt as though if he had fallen in love with Hunk it would be so much easier. He didn’t want to hurt and suffer and he knew if he was in love with Hunk he wouldn’t be coughing up flowers. He wanted to love Hunk. His mind flashed to Shiro and Keith and while loving Hunk would be easier Lance knew that whatever emotions he could muster for Hunk would just pale in comparison.  
  
“Hey Hunk?” Lance asked as he sat on the counter and watched Hunk bustle around the kitchen diligently preparing dinner.  
  
“What’s up man?” Hunk asked distractedly.  
  
“Did you and I ever try to date?” Lance asked as casually as he could.  
  
Hunk, bless his heart, didn’t even fluster over the question and he shook his head chuckling a bit, “Not for lack of effort on your part. In middle school, before Galaxy Garrison, when you went through your bisexual awakening you told me how you’d be down to date me and we’ve kissed a bit, but I’m straight as it turns out. I do love you, Lance, just not that way,” Hunk explained easily as he stirred a bowl of food goo while standing in front of Lance.  
  
“Is it Shiro or Keith?” Hunk asked quietly glancing at the doorway to make sure they were truly alone before the conversation got serious.  
  
“You knew?!” Lance asked, panicked, as he sat forward to look at Hunk incredulously.  
  
“Was it suppose to be a secret? Lance you kind of gay panicked over Shiro for our entire last year of middle school and literally almost every day at the Garrison. Then with Keith... I don’t know man. You had this really big grudge thing but like... I don’t know. Best friend gut feeling I guess? I just knew.” Hunk shrugged a bit like this was common sense.  
  
“Oh.. I mean just” Lance waffled over whether to tell his best friend ever- even in the throes of memory loss- that he was literally dying over these crushes.  
  
“Lance?” Hunk asked looking at the slighter man and curiosity was painted clear as day over his face.  
  
Lance closed his eyes tightly and after grabbing the petals shoved them forward to Hunk silently. There was more silence between them and then the sound of the bowl being set down, and then gentle fingers holding his hand. Lance wasn’t aware of how gentle Hunk could be. Lance had a fleeting moment where he felt he didn’t deserve it, this gentleness, because this would hurt Hunk so very badly.  
  
“Lance?” Hunk’s voice didn’t waver but when Lance peeked up at him, he could see the tears gathering there.  
  
“Where did you get these?” Hunk asked carefully folding Lance’s hand closed over the petals as though not seeing them would make it not real.  
  
“I coughed them up,” Lance muttered, his voice barely there as he couldn’t pull his eyes away from the sight of tears in Hunk’s eyes.  
  
He was responsible for putting them there and it was breaking Lance’s heart. He shuddered a bit as Hunk’s thumb rubbed small circles on the inside of his wrist.  
  
“You won’t have the surgery either will you?” Hunk asked just as softly, “And you won’t tell them will you?”  
  
Lance just shook his head and let his body droop with the truth of everything. He’d die for his feelings for Shiro and Keith. How could he even hope to have his feelings reciprocated? It was Shiro and Keith! He shuddered softly and felt tears fresh again in his eyes.  
  
“I’ve apparently had this since before the memory loss. If past me wasn’t going to do anything then neither will I. Even if… even if I die” Lance explained closing his eyes slowly.  
  
Hunk pulled in a sharp breath and with trembling hands, pulled Lance from the counter and into his arms.  
  
“This isn’t very fair Lance. What am I supposed to do or say to that? I’m suppose to be your best friend.” Hunk cried softly, small shivers through his body.  
  
Lance held him back just as tightly and shook his head, “I don’t have an answer. I know I’m being selfish. I’m sorry. Please just… let me do this? No matter what.” Lance asked.  
  
They were quiet for a long time, holding each other and being held. It was a skinship, a physical intimacy, Lance hadn’t been aware of needing till Hunk held him so close. Eventually, while nodding, Hunk began pulling back and Lance felt better about everything going on in his life.  
  
Dinner that night was quiet, and if anyone noticed Lance being quiet no one mentioned it. Most probably wrote it off to the memory loss. After dinner Lance stayed and helped with dishes and then Hunk helped him to the observation deck and grabbed a few blankets to set up a small nest to look at the stars together. It was another quiet moment that Lance, despite knowing Hunk was straight, wished he was in love with Hunk. This whole mess would be easier.  
  
Lance wasn’t sure when, but apparently he had fallen asleep in the observation deck. Hunk was nowhere to be found, but Shiro sat next to him and Lance’s head was conveniently in his lap and holy quiznak his head was in Shiro’s lap?!  
  
He shot up, startling himself and the older man and instantly the flowers were blooming in his chest, taking up space between the emotions threatening to choke him and maybe actually those were the flowers choking him. He felt like he couldn’t swallow the spit in his mouth as he gaped at Shiro confused.  
  
“S-s-s-sss-hiro?!” Lance squeaked out and finally that mouthful of saliva got down his throat.  
  
“Y-yea hey there Lance. Sorry- I didn’t mean to startle you. You were just curled up really awkwardly and Hunk was getting cold and stiff when I wandered in here so I offered to switch. He wasn’t going to at first but he looked at you and decided it was better to let you sleep.” Shiro explained hastily as he scooted back a bit from Lance to give some space.  
  
Lance’s cheeks were on fire and he wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do with the knowledge that Hunk left him here alone with Shiro. This was probably his subtle way of opposing the choice he’d made. He sighed out softly before pulling his shit together and facing Shiro. If he wasn’t going to confess he had to maintain some level of normal.  
  
“N-no it’s okay. Thank you for sitting with me and for.. Um.. letting me use your lap.” Lance muttered out the ending unable to keep it together.  
  
Shiro also seemed to be getting a little pink around his scar as he glanced away, “It’s okay. I didn’t mind. It was.. Actually kind of nice.” Shiro explained and Lance’s face snapped up to stare openly at Shiro.  
  
There was an awkward silence for all of three seconds till the flowers in Lance’s chest swelled and shifted, cutting off his air and forcing a harsh cough to try and clear his airway. Several coughs later brought flower petals up and Shiro said nothing but moved closer to pat on Lance’s back to ease the petals out. Lance had to close his hand around them quickly lest Shiro see the blue petals speckled red with blood rather than the larger red petals he had seen earlier.  
  
“It’s okay Lance, do you need some water?” Shiro asked softly clearing his own throat and sounding a little hoarse himself.  
  
“Maybe we should both get some?” Lance asked shoving his new petals in his coat pocket with the others.  
  
Shiro pulled back and gave a small cough himself, “Y-yea maybe that’d be good.” Shiro muttered and stood up, moving towards the doorway.  
  
Lance got himself up and didn’t fail to notice Shiro throwing something in the trash receptor in the room that led to the incinerator.  
  
They made their way to the kitchen with Shiro guiding the way and slowly the layout of the ship was becoming more familiar to Lance but he was happy to not have to think about where he was going. It was taking everything not to cough up more petals in Shiro’s presence.  
  
Shiro grabbed them both a pouch of water from the temperature regulator that stored the goo packs and water pouches. He snapped the top off and handed it to Lance quickly who put it to his lips and sucked it down. Initially it didn’t go, the flowers clogging the space in his throat. After a few forceful swallows that brought tears to his eyes and panting breaths between drinks he was getting the water down much smoother. He leaned back on the counter and looked at Shiro.  
  
Perhaps it was the weird lighting but there almost seemed to be something red on his lips. Frowning Lance leaned forward, intending to wipe it off when the flowers bloomed afresh more forcefully up his esophagus. He choked falling to his knees, trying to clear his airway. Distantly Lance could hear Shiro calling his name and patting his back, trying to help but Lance knew that he needed to get away.  
  
“C-Coran. Get Coran!” Lance announced through harsh coughs and gags.  
  
Shiro hesitated only a moment before darting off to find the Altean. With that distance came some ease. It wouldn’t get rid of the flowers but they didn’t feel like they were clawing their way up his throat from his soul. He did end up coughing up a stem of blue bell flowers. Delicate and lovely save for the blood splattered across them. He sat back against the counter cradling the flowers. These were the very feelings he held for Shiro and he wanted so badly to share them. Tears fell freely down his face as he tucked the flower in the inside pocket of his jacket. He couldn’t do this. He wasn’t strong enough. He doesn’t remember who he was in the past but he must have been so much stronger than he currently is. He sobs openly pressing the flower in his pocket against his chest. Everything ached.  
  
Would it be better to forget?  
  
Coran arrived and Shiro was hovering just behind him. Coran kneeled down and with a small cloth cleared the blood from Lance’s mouth,  
  
“Number three are you okay?” Coran asked, eyes flickering back to Shiro, trying to be discreet.  
  
“Coran I don’t think I can do this anymore. I… I think I need the surgery,” Lance sobbed, folding down onto himself.  
  
Coran leaned down and collected Lance in his arms, allowing him to cry. Shiro stood back unsure of what to do himself but desperate to be near Lance despite everything.  
  
“Let’s get you to bed and we can discuss that in the morning. We shouldn’t make hasty decisions like this,” Coran muttered and hoisted Lance to his feet.  
  
He kept Lance close and when Shiro tried to step up and help his feet stumbled, a cough on his tongue instead of words to help and Lance. The Blue Paladin didn’t notice but Shiro gave him a forlorn look and glanced away as they stepped past.  
  
Lance cried softly, the whole way to his room. Keith popped out curious and almost rushed forward but a look from Coran had Keith hesitate till Lance was inside. He laid on his bed, pulling his jacket tighter around him and moving the flower to inside his pillow case.  
  
It was a long night till Lance sobbed himself to sleep. He wasn’t sure how long he slept but he had dreams sprinkled through the night of what life with Keith and Shiro could be like. It was lovely, and when he woke up he had to pull more blue bell stems and gladiolus flowers from his mouth. He tucked those into his pillow case and pulled his hood up to curl tighter into a ball.  
  
He still felt surgery might be the best choice. He couldn’t avoid Shiro and Keith forever and it hurt. Horribly. Everytime just seeing them brought flowers blooming up his throat. He sighed and looked at his pillow case, speckled with blood from coughing in his sleep and the petals tossed around his bed. He stood up and knew he couldn’t stay here.  
  
A pull in his chest, in his core, to his very soul told him exactly where he needed to be. He pulled his clothes off and pulled the black flight suit over his body refusing to acknowledge the bruising along his ribs from the flower-induced internal bleeding. He glanced at the flowers and after a moment, tugged his coat on over the suit, just in case he needed the pocket space, before trudging out the door to his room.  
  
He’s not really sure how he remembered, but he absolutely remembered the layout of the castle. He trailed down the hallways to Blue’s hangar and slid inside the slightly dark space. Blue was lit up like a beacon however and lowered down, opening her mouth to him. He climbed in easily and sat curled in her cockpit, back to the chair.  
  
“Blue... I can’t do this. I’m not strong like Keith and Shiro. How am I supposed to accept death? I can’t tell them, and I can’t lose my memories of them but... I don’t want to die, Blue,” Lance mumbled into his knees that he held close to his chest.  
  
Blue made a noise of disgruntlement at the notion of her Paladin dying. He chuckled wetly and nodded in return to the feelings pushed through the bond.  
  
“I know. It doesn’t seem real or right but what else can I do? I’ve hurt Hunk over this and Coran too I can tell. Shiro’s upset too and can barely look at me anymore either. I royally messed up with Keith and haven’t seen him since I ran out of his bathroom.” Lance muttered on.  
  
Lance took a breath to start again when the alarm blared to life in the hangar. Lance jerked forward, falling to his hands and knees as he looked around. Blue activated, a roar sounding from her chest as Lance jumped up and slid around into his chair, grabbing her controls and settling in as the door opened and he flew out. He opened the communications channel in Blue directly.  
  
“I’m already on scene guys!” he yelled as he flipped the switch opening cannon fire from Blue’s mouth freezing multiple Galra drone ships.  
  
Surprising no one honestly the next two lions out of the castle ship were Red and Black.  
  
“We’re on your six Lance!” Shiro confirmed as Lance spiraled up and away to clear a path for them into the fray.  
  
This was easier, their voices in his ear instead of seeing their faces. Lance pulled his control back, Blue pulling back and up into a flip in space to circle back and fire at another Galra ship that had been hot on his tail. Red was flying circles around the ships, jaw blade slicing them to ribbons. Black was making rounds, steady and reliable with her own jawblade, wings spread wide to increase speed.  
  
Yellow and Green were finally out and taking down enemies and initially, Lance was confident they could win separately. Then a huge cruiser warped into the space and just about took Pidge out had Keith not swooped down and pulled her away. Shiro’s voice calling for Voltron was as breathtaking as it was devastating.  
  
Lance guided Blue into formation and could feel the pull as the flowers bloomed to life fresh in his chest. He coughed wildly, glad he hadn’t grabbed his chest plate to confine his chest further. Just as he felt Blue begin to shift, a blast came from behind and Blue careened off formation and Lance flew out of his seat, smashing his head into the visual display. He groaned rolling onto his back and looking up. His head exploded with memories and emotions. Sobs erupted as well and he could hear the panicked voices from his team as Blue remained inactive, floating through space.  
  
He loved Keith and Shiro. He loved them so much. He couldn’t hurt them. He couldn’t confess and ruin the tentative connections he had. He would have the surgery after this battle. It was the least painful alternative for all parties involved.  
  
With a groan, Lance shoved himself up and got back in the chair. He had to. He grabbed the controls but Blue was still unresponsive despite the obvious power in the cockpit. His team’s voices were coming through loud and clear.  
  
“Guys I’m dead in the water- Blue won’t respond!” Lance called, panic spearing through his chest and voice.  
  
“Stand by Lance, we’ve got you, be patient, Blue will respond,” Shiro called, and he felt Blue being collected by Black and carried over towards Castle of Lions.  
  
Lance slammed his fist down on Blue’s controls, “Respond please?! I need to help them, come on Blue!”  
  
The display screen came back but the controls were sluggish. Something was clearly off but Blue was moving again and Lance pushed her back out into the fray, literally ramming another Galra drone ship. Blue’s haul groaned at the impact, not built to handle the ramming Yellow usually did.  
  
“Come on Girl...” Lance grumbled as he pulled her controls and she lifted, flying deeper into battle.  
  
The good news was with Blue’s damage, Voltron was out of the question, and Lance flew with more confidence knowing a coughing attack wasn’t on the horizon. No one could have predicted the Cruiser’s canon to aim for Lance, for Black to move into the line of fire as Red swooped down to try and pull Blue from the shot. Black’s shield lasted all of three seconds as Red grabbed Blue and pulled her away as Lance directed Blue to fire a sonic shot to move Shiro and Black out of the blast just as Black’s shield failed.  
  
“Lance pull your head out of your ass- we need to focus!” Keith yelled and Lance winced, throat closing up as he redirected Blue through the battle.  
  
It felt like for every drone ship they took out ten more appeared. It was a losing battle and Lance was getting desperate but he couldn’t be everywhere at once.  
  
“Guys Black still isn’t responding, I think something got fried from the Cruiser’s canon.” More like Lance’s sonic blast.  
  
Lance felt horrible and raced forward, “On my way!”  
  
Lance got to Shiro as the cruiser took aim and fired, Lance opened Blue’s ice canon and fired back, holding the blast back but barely. It wouldn’t last, and they’d both by toast.  
  
“Keith get Shiro out of here!” Lance yelled pushing Blue harder than he ever had before, zeroing down and focusing on this one moment, all his strength, all his feelings, the bluebells in his pocket and the gladiolus in his lap, blood in the corner of his mouth.  
  
Red was flying across the field of drone ships as fast as he’d ever seen her but Lance wasn’t sure it would be enough. He jammed the controls forward harder, more flashing through his soul as things blurred around him, his vision turning black and white as the laser blasts fired closer and closer.  
  
Lance hadn’t wanted to die by choking on flowers- it was painful and would hurt Keith and Shiro a lot to find out the truth after the fact. Dying in battle was instant, and while it would still hurt everyone for a moment it was a lot easier to swallow than unrequited love.  
  
As the blast got closer, Keith was just barely there as the light enveloped Lance and he blacked out entirely. God he hoped Shiro and Keith didn’t get caught in the blast were his last thoughts.  
  
✩   
  


Keith couldn’t tell if his voice was hoarse from coughing up flowers or from screaming Lance’s name, but it hurt regardless. He felt Red jerk from the backlash of the laser battle as Red carried Black out of the way. Blue was badly damaged and the integrity of the cockpit was compromised. Communications were down from Blue, and Keith could feel those damn flowers crawling up his throat.  
  
“Keith… It’s Lance we have to... Blue... We have to do something!” Shiro called as Black finally got back online.  
  
“I know, I know! Damn idiot,” Keith muttered as he flipped back and went to Blue. He shot up from his chair and, after activating his full helmet, leaped out of Red, flying through space towards the Blue lion.  
  
He pried open her emergency hatch, just behind her head and slid inside. The sight that met him was alarming and incredibly distressing.  
  
“Shiro!” Keith called through a private comms link, his voice raising in distress.  
  
“What is it Keith?! Tell me he is alive. He has to be alive. I haven’t.. We haven’t… “Shiro trailed off and couldn’t fathom Lance’s death.  
  
“He is alive, but barely breathing.. There are... Flowers... So many... Growing out of his mouth and... Shiro please tell me what to do.” Keith felt panicked tears and fought them back as he rushed in, dropping to his knees.  
  
Alarms were blaring as the atmospheric setting struggled to oxygenate the space and create gravity but it was escaping through the damaged cracks. Keith looked around for Lance’s helmet but it was nowhere to be seen and honestly, with the flowers Keith wasn’t sure he could get it on.  
  
“We’re losing oxygen and his helmet isn’t here either Shiro,” Keith reported as he checked Lance’s pulse under the flowers.  
  
Shiro breathed out a small sigh, “The flowers are for you Keith... Lance he... He has Hanahaki over you,” Shiro explained and Keith shook his head vehemently.  
  
“No! But... I don’t understand. It was supposed to be all of us. And... why...? Why does he have two different flowers? It has to be both Shiro,” Keith explained scooping Lance up and heading towards the emergency hatch again. He pulled in a deep breath from his helmet before pulling it off and shoving it over Lance’s head, plunging out into space far from Blue. He couldn’t open his eyes or breath, but he trusted his lion.  
  
The burning in his lungs ached, and the petals in his mouth tickled worse, but he would do this. He would do this for Lance and Shiro because he had to.  
  
Red scooped him and Lance up at the last possible minute, and Keith would roll his eyes later at how dramatic Red was. He panted harshly as he laid on his side for a moment, Lance just barely out of reach of his fingers.  
  
Allura was calling for a retreat, the telluduv ready to go as soon as all the lions were back aboard.  
  
Keith had to leave Lance for a moment as he dove into his chair, pulling back sharply and taking off like lightning through space to the castle. He had to trust someone else to collect Blue. He made it back first, but quickly got Lance, and headed towards the healing pods.  
  
“Coran! Its Lance! He has the flowers too! Quickly you have to help him!” Keith announced as Coran turned.  
  
Panic arched over the Altean as he moved forward, looking Lance over.  
  
“I... There isn’t much I can do. Maybe buy a few more hours or a day... But this... It’s almost over,” Coran said sadly as Shiro entered the room, blood on his own lips as well.  
  
“Do it. We just need a few minutes. It can’t end this way,” Shiro urged.  
  
“If I do it, his memories might also be altered of you two. He might not recognize you again,” Coran explained as he gestured to a table in the center of the room that Keith was already moving Lance to.  
  
“...I..-” Shiro began.  
  
“Do it,” Keith barked out as he laid Lance out.  
  
“Keith, it might not work if he doesn’t know who we are,” Shiro fretted, and Keith stepped forward brushing the blood from Shiro’s lips softly.  
  
“He’ll know. He knew who we were before with actual amnesia. We have to have faith he’ll remember us again. That his soul will remember if nothing else,” Keith explained.  
  
Shiro closed his eyes and nodded slowly. Keith cleared his throat and nodded to Coran, “Do it.”  
  
Coran nodded grimly and moved to a large control board before beginning.  
  
Keith and Shiro stood back watching with determination they didn’t feel as long arms and lasers came down at Lance and started working. The laser cutting into the base of his throat and flowers burst out there, beautiful stems of bluebells, dangling sweetly over vibrant gladiolus covering the incision. Keith coughed at the sight, his own blue petals of delphinium falling to the ground.  
  
“He loved us this much Keith. Look at how beautiful they are...” Shiro coughed out himself.  
  
Keith nodded as he turned his head to rest against Shiro’s shoulder. Taking strength in each other was the best they could do in this moment.  
  
The surgery continued on for a grueling two hours before Coran felt he had cleared enough flowers to buy the boys at least a day. He could only hope Lance wouldn’t stay asleep the entire day, even though the flowers’ growth would be slowed in that time.  
  
Keith and Shiro, aside from stepping away to shower and change out of their armor and flight suits, stayed with Lance the entire time. Till Lance looked like he might wake any moment, the floor had become littered with petals and a few delphinium from the both of them.  
  
✩  
  
The first thing that came to Lance was that there was a mask over his face forcing oxygen into his lungs. It’s a strain, and his throat hurts painfully. The flowers came to him next, beautiful little blue ones and gorgeous red ones. He couldn’t quite recall what they meant, but they’re beautiful as he cracked open an eye.  
  
The light around him was bright and blinding. He got a strange sense of deja vu, but after wincing, his vision adjusted a bit and he glanced around. His eyes widened at the two figures sitting with him. Tears flooded his eyes and he felt such immense relief that they were here with him right now. A hiccup of a sob escaped through the mask and two sets of eyes pop up and locked eyes with him.  
  
“Lance!” They called in unison and he shook his head a bit, feeling his chest tighten painfully, and his throat scream in protest.  
  
“Sh, sh, sh, we know. It’s okay. Just listen okay?” Shiro shifted forward, brushing soft brown hair back from Lance’s forehead.  
  
Lance hiccuped a sob again as he shook his head a little more.  
  
“No you have to listen Lance okay?” Keith held up a tall stem of deep blue flowers.  
  
They almost looked like the bluebells Lance was coughing up, but there were more, and the stem stood taller. Lance accepted the flowers with pale shaking hands, looking them over before struggling to sit up a bit.  
  
“Lance, we love you. We’ve been planning to tell you before your accident but then it happened and you didn’t remember us. Keith and I have been waiting for your memory to return but then you told me about the Hanahaki you had for Keith and we became concerned and discouraged because we both love you so much Lance. We hope you can accept us both and... And these? These bluebell flowers are for me right?” Shiro held up the delicate stem with two flowers left on it after the ride in Lance’s pocket through the battle.  
  
“Do you know what these flowers mean Lance?” Shiro asked but Lance shook his head carefully.  
  
“Gladiolus mean strength of character and faithfulness, and are often called sword lilies. A very appropriate choice for Keith.” Shiro gave a soft smile to Keith, who was redder than the flower, but had a small smile himself.  
  
“Delphinium are not only for July birthdays but also stand for positive experiences and striving for new goals. Lance you’ve always embodied positivity no matter what for both Keith and I. We knew exactly who our flowers were for the first time we saw them. I’ve never seen flowers that stood so perfectly for you.” Shiro explained.  
  
“As to bluebells... Gratitude and humility. Consistency. I’m... not sure I fit those as well but I’m flattered non-” Keith elbowed Shiro sharply as a blush also covered his cheeks and he shrugged helplessly.  
  
“Anyway, the point is we know you have Hanahaki for us, and we have it for you, but we love you so much Lance. You need to understand that we never knew you had this, and we have been intending to tell you for so long…” Lance listened quietly as he maneuvered the breathing mask off his face.  
  
He coughed a bit initially, there just wasn’t as much air getting to his lungs without the mask, he’d have to make this quick then.  
  
“I’m... overwhelmed to say the least,” he began rasping out, his throat raw and hoarse, “However I... I’m not sure how to accept these feelings from you both... I um... I’m not sure I know you properly? You seem familiar but I just...?” Lance looked disappointed and unsure as he watched the two men’s faces fall.  
  
“N-no..” Keith muttered shaking his head, and Shiro placed his hand over Keith’s settling him a moment.  
  
“No! I refuse to accept that you don’t remember.” Keith straightened up and with delphinium petals on his lips, kissed Lance feverishly.  
  
Lance’s eyes widened in panic looking between Shiro and Keith. It was already difficult to breath without the mask, but Keith kissing him made it harder. A part of Lance, however, rebelled against pulling away. Had longed for this in a way that his very being craved. Eventually however that tickle in his throat had him pushing Keith away.  
  
Keith was panting as Lance began coughing, hacking away as blood gushed down his mouth and flowers, full blooming stem, burst from his mouth, past his hands and into his lap. Shiro straightened as well and cradled Lance through it as his cough seemed to turn into gags, before vomiting out two large flowers, roots and all. Lance was breathing hard as he stared at his lap full of blood and flowers. A small red spot appeared through the bandages around his throat where his incision was hosted.  
  
“L-Lance?” Shiro asked carefully peeking down at the slighter man in his arms.  
  
“S-Shiro...” Lance breathed hard and harshly, “I know that was gross but please kiss me?” Lance asked turning his head up, straining his neck and reaching arms for him.  
  
Shiro looked unsure for all of a moment before leaning down and placing his lips gently against Lance’s. The kiss didn’t last nearly as long but Lance pulled back again, coughing more flowers out and finally, with one last great heave seemed to breathe easier. His chest expanded fully, Keith and Shiro holding their breath waiting to see if Lance was okay.  
  
“I... I love you both so much too... I didn’t... I didn’t know what to do about it. I thought you two were together and I wasn’t sure if there could be a space for me too but I wanted it so badly. I cared so much.” Lance began sobbing as he pushed his face into Shiro’s shoulder and squeezed Keith’s hand.  
  
“I didn’t want to die, it hurt so much; there were so many flowers. The idea of forgetting you, truly forgetting my feelings for you, hurt so much worse and I couldn’t do that to you. The truth would have come up and I couldn’t do that but I was so scared.” Lance continued.  
  
“Wait... Lance... You... you know who we are? You remember... From before?” Keith asked blankly, holding Lance’s hand like it was a life line.  
  
“During the fight while I was in Blue. I knocked my head again and I think that did it? And then... Well I guess one of True Love’s kisses did it?” Lance gave a wet laugh.  
  
Keith smiled, rolling his eyes fondly and let relief sag his shoulders. Shiro smiled and squeezed Lance a little tighter, kissing the top of his head.  
  
“I’m so sorry for everything guys,” Lance muttered out, “You had those stinking flowers too, and I know how horrible they are...” Lance murmured clearly tired now from the entire ordeal.  
  
“Sh, its okay. We’re alive and together now. That’s all that matters,” Shiro explained as Keith shifted to sit up in bed with Lance.  
  
“You look so tired Lance. We should let you get some sleep,” Shiro offered as he shifted to pull away a bit.  
  
Lance panicked a bit, grabbing Shiro’s vest and giving Keith a look, “P-please don’t leave? I just got you...?” Lance asked, his voice raw and his emotions even more so.  
  
Shiro looked between the bed and the three of them and gave an unsure look before Lance scooted down and over, “Please?”  
  
Heaving a sigh, but in the end unable to say no to Lance, he nodded, kicking his boots off before crawling into bed. He tossed the blood and flower covered blanket- grabbing a new one to cover them. Lance slotted himself between his legs, half on him and half off, shifting Shiro onto his side as Keith kicked off his boots and shrugged out of his jacket before crawling in to press himself close to Shiro and Lance. He wrapped his arms around Lance and pillowed his head on Shiro’s arm as Lance’s head pillowed on Shiro’s pec. It was tight and a little uncomfortable but to be that close was all they needed for that night. The rest could be dealt with in the morning.

  



End file.
